What if all of this is a dream?

What if all of this is a dream? And what if it isn’t even our dream?  What if it’s some dog’s dream? Maybe we’re just existing in his mind and all of a sudden he’ll wake up and go drink out of the toilet and we’ll be gone. What will happen to us if that dog wakes up? Will it all be over?

-Lloyd

RE: Yaarrrr!

I think someone should invent a cereal called “OOPS ALL MARSHMALLOWS”.

- Lloyd

Yaarrrr!!!

I think the “Oops” part in Cap’n Crunch Oops, All Berries! means, “Oops, we should have done this sooner”. That is all.

-john

Rudolph Comes on Tonight

Don’t forget everyone…Rudolph comes on tonight. 

Speaking of Rudolph…..I always loved it as a little kid, but now that I’m older I watch it and I can’t help but to think about certain things…..

Like the island of Misfit Toys.  Remember them?  Those toys that were all broken in some way and no one to play with them.  At the end Santa comes by and picks them up and supposedly delivers them to little boys and girls.  Can you imagine the unlucky little kids who ended up with those things?  A train with square wheels?  That’s not gonna roll.  Can you imagine the look on little Johnny’s face Christmas morning……”Mom!!!  Santa screwed me!!!!!”

Who made the misfit toys anyways?  The elves right?

And if you notice at the end when the credits are rolling it shows them dropping the misfit toys out of the sleigh by umbrella in mid air, supposedly to homes below?  Were they not even important enough for Santa to get out of the sleigh?  He didn’t even take the time to make sure they got to the right house!  “Here ya go, where ever you happen to land, that’s who owns you.  You’re their problem now.  Good luck.”

It wasn’t so much the fact that Rudolph’s nose glowed, but the how in the world did he get it to make that annoying whistle noise?   I think that was the real reason everyone hated Rudolph.

And what about what the entire story was centered on?  Christmas was in danger of being canceled because of the snow storm.  Why not just postpone Christmas instead of canceling it completely?  What’s wrong with December 26?  Why not just go when the storm is over? 

Look for these things tonight if you get a chance to watch…..

- Lloyd

How did I get here?

Have you ever just looked at a moment, and wondered how you got there?

I look at beautiful mountains everyday and have to pause and wonder just that. I come from… not the mountains. It’s a whole different atmosphere from where I grew up. I think I’m doing pretty well for myself. New places, new faces. I am building my roots. I never thought I would be in this situation. I thought I’d be one of those dudes living in my parents basement (which is scary, because it is totally unfinished) eating Cheez its and playing Ms. Pac Man. Now I have kids, and when they get to the point where they are meeting people in different areas, when they are asked where they are from, the answer will be different than mine. I have different ideals from those I grew up around. My oldest goes to a different type of school than I did. I think I am part of one happy family. I don’t know how I got here, other than the grace of God. I have to thank Him everyday. 

- John

First Kiss

I nervously stood by the swing set in the park that night.  And that beautiful blonde headed girl I had such a crush on was there gently gliding in the swing.  It was our first date.  And I finally built up enough courage to ask her….”Can I kiss you?”  I am sure it was weird that I felt like I had to ask.  She glanced at the ground and said “I guess.”  So I leaned in….having no idea what to do.  I had never kissed a girl before.  But I just closed my eyes and went in.  It was sorta awkward and I couldn’t tell if she liked it or not.  Inside I was so nervous.  But also so excited…that was our first kiss.

Later that night….me and that same blonde headed girl were standing by the lake.  Nothing was said.  She stared out into the distance.  I stood directly behind her.  I reached my hand and brushed back her hair over her shoulder.  As I did this…she turned and gave me a look.  I will NEVER, EVER forget this look.  I could see it in her eyes…..I wasn’t going to have to ask for the second kiss.

And now 15 years and 3 children later….she’s still the only girl I’ve ever kissed.

- Lloyd

Previously on Big Brother….(Season Finale)

JULIE CHEN- Hi America…I’m Julie Chen.  Welcome to Biiiig Brother.  This is it.  The last episode.  An hour and 28 minutes of boredom followed by two minutes of mild excitement.  It all comes down to this…will it be Ian, the nerd with a photographic memory who will probably one day work for NASA…or Dan, the former football coach with Jedi mind powers so strong that even if he loses, he’ll convince us all that he won.

Dan and Ian are shown sitting in the veto room. 

DAN- Good evening, Mrs. Chen. (flashing his ORBIT chewing gum smile)

JULIE CHEN- (blushing)..ohhh Dan.  (Gaining her composure) Um, ok let’s bring out all the former houseguests.

Brittany, Shane, Jenn, Joe, Ashley and Frank all walk out.  The crowd obeys the “LOUD FAKE APPLAUSE” signs flashing on the monitor.

Next, Danielle comes out…and there’s this awkward hug/kiss combo between her and Shane.  Yeah, this showmance isn’t going anywhere.

Next Julie brings out the people who did not make the jury.  In other words, these people played the game REALLY BAD.

Mike Boogie immediately lets out a rant and has to be controlled by security.

MIKE- You people think I lost?  You think I lost?  You ain’t seen nothing.  I know people.  I know people who know people, you understand?  I would so own all you guys at Monopoly.  I would even let you be the car or the dog.  Heck, I’ll be the freakin’ thimble and I’ll still win.  I’ll even give you Park Place to start off with!  You don’t want to test my Monopoly skillz.

Security guards settle Mike down…then Julie informs the jury that they can ask the two finalist a question before making their vote.

First up, is Brittany.

BRITTANY- I am smarter than all these other people, so my question is…..what did you both do in the game that you regret?

IAN- For not getting to know Jenn more, because she’s one of the people who might not vote for me, and I’m trying to get her on my side.

DAN- For being mean to Frank.  I don’t have his vote anyway, and I don’t have to worry about alienating him.

Next up is Jenn.

JENN- Well, I tell you….(the rest could not be heard due to the fact that Julie came down with a sudden onset case of whooping cough).

Ashley’s turn.

ASHLEY- I’m an idiot, but I’m a stupid idiot.  Wait..that used to go somewhere.  I had a whole speech setup.  Hold on, just give me a second.  Idiot….stupid idiot….leadership…something like that.  Hi Ian!  I’m going to write about you in my diary tonight.

IAN- Thanks, babe.

Time for Shane’s question.

SHANE- Dan, you stabbed a lot of people in the back.  How do you live with yourself at night?

DAN- Well Shane, I do have a lot of blood on my hands.  If this were Survivor I would just climb up a big rock formation and all my troubles would be solved.  Plus, the camera guys would get to do that neat-o swirling aerial shot in the helicopter.  But I didn’t have that.  I was stuck in that room with the twisty circles for 24 hours straight.  They were all jealous of Me!  I’m the leader!  ME.

Frank’s turn to ask a question.

FRANK- Dan I’m going to kill you.  You swore on the bible.  You gave me your wedding ring.  You gave me the flower from your Grandmother’s casket.  You promised me your next born son.  It should be me up there instead of you.  I don’t even have a question, I just want to make you look bad.  But dude…the bible?

DAN- I understand your pain, but I really didn’t do anything wrong, except maybe lie and cheat, but that’s ok because it’s for 500 thousand dollars.  And in the gospel of ST. DANIEL, CHAPTER 4 VERSE 17 it states that “If thou are on thy reality show, thou canst stab thy fellow man in the back, and claim the riches that thou surely deserve.”

Next up is Joe.

JOE- (screaming so loud I have to turn down the volume on my tv) Well guys, I kept telling everybody…..in order for alliance we all gotta Jambalaya Shish Kabob in the blender.

Everyone looks around in puzzlement, but then moves on because they realize it’s just Joe being Joe.

And Finally, Danielle. 

DANIELLE- I want all of ya’ll to know that out of all the losers..I lost the least.  Dan, why did you do this to me AGAIN!!?

Her mascara begins to run.

DAN- Danielle…look at me.  Look into my eyes.  Look deep into my eyes.  I did this for you.  I am your coach.  I am not going to win this game.  You are.  Understand.  You are the real winner and nobody can ever take that away from you.  How does it feel to know that I just won you 500 grand?

DANIELLE- (blushing) ohhh Daaaan.  I wish I knew how to quit you.  I’ll give you ONE MORE CHANCE!  But if you ever do this again, I swear I’m going to get really angry and stomp off and have eye shadow run down my face.  And it will be at least 10 minutes before I forgive you again. 

Time to vote.  Everyone votes for Ian, except Danielle.  Ian wins!!!!!  Nerd is the new cool!!  Yessss!!!!  Quack Quack, baby!  Everyone comes out and fake hugs abound.  Confetti falls.  Much rejoicing.

But in the corner of his eye…Mike Boogie spots Jeff and Jordan sitting in the audience.  He immediately gathers Janelle, JoJo, and Wil and tries to form an alliance to vote Jeff out.

SEE YA NEXT SUMMER!!!!!

-Lloyd

Quack Quack!!!!!!!!!

- Lloyd

Point/Counter Point:FACEBOOK (Lloyd’s View)

This actually won’t be a POINT/COUNTER POINT to John, because I agree with every single thing he said.

In fact, that was one of the main reasons why I deleted my Facebook.  I got tired of all the “fakeness”.   But while I was there, I came up with a list that describes the different types of Facebook people that I met.  Here it is……..

  THE TOP 10 TYPES OF FACEBOOK PEOPLE

1.    The person whose default photo is from like 5 years and 150 pounds ago.  These are the people who you almost accidentally delete because you didn’t even recognize them in the picture.  They are also the same ones who use a photo that was only like 2 years removed from high school and everyone comments “Oh my, you haven’t aged a bit!”

2.    The people who randomly post cryptic messages of anger towards some randomly un-named person.  It’s like the person writing the post is very angry at someone, and they want EVERYONE to know.  And they want that someone to know that they are telling the whole world too.  Meanwhile, the other 99 percent who didn’t make this person mad are wondering to themselves…”Is she mad at me?” and giving themselves an ulcer worrying about it.

3.    The person who wants pity.  This is the person who gives updates every 10 minutes from their dentist appointment asking everyone to pray for their survival.  This is also the person who finds out their 3rd cousin from North Dakota who they once met at a family reunion is sick, and they post  “My cousin Billy Bob has cancer.  Please pray for me.  I don’t know how I’m going to make it through this.”  I just wanted one time to comment to them  “Are we praying for Billy Bob, or for you?  Which one is the sick one?”

4.    The parents who post pictures every time their kid takes a dump, because their kid is the greatest child ever invented in the history of the earth.  Their child can do no wrong.  This also relates to #3 when their child gets sick.  “Little Jimmy accidentally found some kryptonite in the back yard and now he’s sick.  Everyone pray.”

5.    The person who is married but “likes” your photo at 3am in the morning.  Never, ever trust that person.

6.    The person who post, but his wife hijacks his post and comments under everyone saying things like  “I love  you honey, you complete me”  I feel sorry for this guy.  He writes things like “My wife makes the best hamburger helper in the world” when what he really means is “Please help me, I’m so miserable…she’s watching my every move.  Hold on, here she comes…”

7.    The love-sick middle school geek who embarrasses himself by writing love poems to his girlfriend online, and the poems are really terrible.  This is like Dr. Suess type stuff.  Then he gets upset because she hasn’t called him in the last 10 minutes and he writes another poem wondering where in life did he go wrong, and how can he ever win her back.  Then his Dad hijacks the post and tells the boy to go clean his room.

8.    The person who post pics from like every single party they go to every night of the week.  When reading it you are like, “When does this person ever sleep?”  Then you realize how sorry your life is because you’re stuck at home watching “CSI: Sheboygan.”

9.    The person who post updates every time they harvest their garden in Farmville.  Seriously?  I don’t care how many green cucumbers you just picked.  THEY’RE NOT EVEN REAL!  You just sat there and clicked buttons pretending to pick a fruit that you can’t even eat.  You’ll never get those 20 minutes back!’

10.  The person who uses FB to post their political views.  And every post is either a joke, a cartoon drawing, or a political rant about how much you hate Obama, or whoever else happens to be president at the time.  “I’ll never support government ran healthcare.  If this passes I’m moving to Canada!!”  (and they have no idea that in Canada, the health care is government ran)

- Lloyd

Point/Counter Point: FACEBOOK (John’s View)

Is it hypocritical to express my distaste for social media….on a blog? If so, I am a hypocrite.

Facebook. At first, I thought Facebook was a sight where I would be able to contact and keep in touch with people I thought I had said my last goodbyes to. Maybe I could learn what they had done since we saw each other last, and where they are currently in their life. Little did I know, they were self centered pricks who wanted me, and all of their “friends” to know they had Lamb with an orange garnish over whole wheat wild rice and sides of scalloped potatoes and kale, washed down with an Italian white wine from 1963. Self-centered little pricks. Yippie! Well, actually, that’s all fine. Now I have decided, if you were like this back then, I probably wouldn’t have been your friend. Not that I’m going to do myself the favor of “deleting” you, because then, you might not like me, or my status. Man, some people think they are important. Man, some people brag. Man, some people want our pity. Man, some people lie. Man, i just wasted 2 hours of my life trying to find something to connect with someone I have no other contact, nor share any of the same interests with. I think this is a bandwagon that is getting more and more crowded. I’m neither the first or only to have this opinion, it is just starting to escalate, and I am just venting. Maybe I’m just jealous that someone has 654 friends, and I don’t even have 200. Maybe I’m jealous my post only got 2 comments and 1 like, while someone else’s post, which isn’t as funny and has 3 grammatical errors, got 9 comments and 16 likes. Wow, that sounds convincing. Maybe that’s the truth, i didn’t want to admit it, and typing it made me realize it. I feel better now. I think I’ll go “See what my friends are up to”.

- John